OK, so this is when I open up and ask for advice about a girl that I am smitten by. Thing is, she is not really reciprocating. I have been pretty persistent in trying to get to know her, but either she is not interested or the timing is really bad.
I just typed out a lot of details but then deleted them because they were kind of embarrassing. The essence of it was that I get the serious vibe she is not interested.
The question I wonder is this: how persistent is too much?
If I am more persistent in trying to get to know her, will that convince her that I am interested (because a girl wants to know most of all how treasured she is) so she will eventually want to spend time with me? - Or the more persistent I am does it make me seem more desperate and like a stalker and make it less likely she will want to spend time with me?
It is kind of a crazy thing how I don't even know her that well and still feel so strongly about it. Perhaps it is just because it is so rare for me to feel the kind of initial chemistry and to be as interested in getting to know someone as I have been with her.
The other problem, however, is that I think we are both kind of guarded and more difficult to know on deeper levels, and if she is so busy it is hard to spend time with me now, then how difficult will it be to get to know each other when I am living across the Atlantic ocean in Europe for the next four months?
Any Dear Abbey's out there that can give me some advice?
Thanks.
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6 comments:
Well, it all depend on the kind of attention you give her. Do you show up in random places where she is and follow her all day? That may be a little on the stalker side. No girl ever feels like there is such a thing as too much attention, if its done in the right way. Honesty is always the best policy. I had to sit Josh down and say "heres the deal, I like you, what should we do about it?" It may be that you are leaving, Josh was a little guarded for the same reason when we met, and may I just say, Why does this always happen to you, that you find someone your interested in just before you leave, maybe its because you are leaving so often? And why is it the ones you like seem less interested and the ones who worship you you have no chemistry with. What a phenom.
Anyways as I was saying, Be honest be patient be attentive and beware. Beware of your heart. Theres no need throwing all of your emotion into something that may not work out, have some patience in that department, smitten is one thing, but over zealously in love is another. You are really the most amazing guy I know, if shes not interested, move on, she cant be that smart if she doesnt see the value in you!!! ANd tell I said that.
I love you. Thanks for the great advice!
I agree with the wise Marie. You can't force anything but you can be there consistently and if it works it works. Honesty and being open about feelings is a huge key.
In my few years of traveling around a bit, it is easier to "fall" for someone right before you leave because you have a safety net that you are leaving soon which you can use to your advantage in whatever way you want to.
I am reminded of a song that affected me greatly during those years. It is by David Wilcox which I tried to find but failed. Basically, it talks about a person that had walls and guards up that couldn't be penetrated because they were always going somewhere. "You were going somewhere, you were going somewhere" For me, it hit me because I wanted to be always off and going but I realized that I couldn't get what I wanted unless I was where I wanted to be long enough to have something happen.
We love you and wish that we could find and give you the perfect woman that would click like magic but that is for you. (We can help along the way) It will happen but you have to be open to receive it when it comes. Prepare yourself to be your best, follow the promptings of the Spirit so you will be in that "right place at the right time"
We love you. Good luck.
Marie & Jana got the great advice area covered, I agree if you tell her right out that you are interested and can get a clearer idea of where she is coming from it would be easier to go from there. I've known stories where persistence has won out, but some of them include time out breaks to give both sides a chance to think it through.
At any rate, if that doesn't work out and you just want some dating options -- a couple of people (Grandma & Aunt) in Cory's family would really like to set you up with one of his cousins. They all thought my brothers were so cute and gentlemenlike. They would have liked to set Jon up, too, but I think Cory's cousins are closer to your age. (Cory will probably be embarassed I said anything - but I just wanted to remind you that you are admired, even if the one you have your eye on now doesn't seem to be reciprocating)
what a great gift to have such good advice from people i admire, love, and respect so much! i don't know why my brain short-circuits like it does - but you're grounded advice helps more than you know. i've got one more time with her before i go, but i think I'm already able to be cool with whatever. i'll keep you updated ;)
Paul,
Girl advice I don't know if I am the best one to give advice when I was dating I was clueless when anyone liked me. They had to be very obvious, and practially hit me over the head. Girls do like it if you give them a lot of good and postitive attention. Give her honest compliments and hey flowers don't hurt. So she is either shy like I was (if this is the case don't give up and be persistence, thats how Scott won me over he didn't give up on me even when I wasn't sure what I wanted) or she is just not as the saying goes into you. If she doesn't seem to be responding as well as you would like. Move on! Your a amazing guy Paul and that future Mrs Paul Rogers is out there (probaly wondering where the heck you are);just be patient and keep looking. You really did have a lot of great girls that loved you and you didn't love them back. You know how it feels not to have the spark. Keep looking but don't be afraid to take risk. Always cheering for you!!!!
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